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  • TJ Shaver

Your Feelings appointed Leader of the World

We have finally arrived at Utopia. This is it. Today the new One World Government announced that the new leader of the entire world will be: Your Feelings. You heard that right. Whatever you feel will now dictate what everyone else has to do. You now get to decide how everyone else will live their lives based on how you feel at that particular moment. In a very special interview Your Feelings had this to say,

“So, yeah, I’m really excited, this is amazing, I’m in charge, things are going to be amazing now. I’m such a kind and loving person I’ll make sure everyone is equal. I’ll just kill anyone who opposes our new perfection. It’ll finally be the Utopia we’ve been striving for... I’m going to need to read this before you print it. You’ll be kept here in this room until it’s approved. IF it’s approved. IF.”

Experts are saying this could be a bad idea given the volatility of almost every human being's feelings. Other experts, the experts we prefer to listen to, because science, say this is the perfect way to run the world and to just lay back and enjoy it. Chaos has erupted across every major U.S. city but no one has noticed because they have been falling apart for months now and no one seems to be noticing. Your Feelings left us with this gem as we parted,

“Just do what I want, all the time, and everything will be perfectly fine for you. Unless I’m just in a bad mood or something. Then you could die or be maimed or imprisoned. Tighten up.”

We aren’t sure what is acceptable to print anymore, so we believe whatever you feel is right for us to believe. Thank you for letting us exist.

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