You can give thanks for 2 things

The experts that know all and only want what is best for humans, always, have decided that Americans can only give thanks for 2 things this year. They have told us we are extremely lucky we are allowed to even call it Thanksgiving. They have already said only 3 people are allowed in your house for the holiday, which means most families will be kicking members out of their house on turkey day. The list of 2 things you are allowed to be grateful for was issued today and has been praised by experts and scientists who follow and believe science, because Science is God now. The list of things we can give thanks for includes

1. The Experts

2. The Doctors

Giving thanks to the experts and doctors will be mandatory not only at the dinner table but on social media and at least once a day in your everyday life from now on. An expert who I’ve been following around for days because he does science and I’m trying to follow science told me this over the phone after the restraining order went into effect,

“Follow science means to listen to the scientists and experts. We’ve never contradicted each other and science never changes. Just have faith in us, read the literature, thank us once a day, and everything will be fine. Bless you my son.”

That priest in a lab coat was right. I have to follow science, I’ve seen the light. If I humble myself and admit I’ve been wrong and put on the mask as a symbol of my compliance, the Science will forgive me and then the disease will go away. None of this is dogmatic or like religion at all, we just have to have faith in people we’ve never met to solve all of our problems if we just perform the proper daily rituals and recite the correct phrases over and over, “Wear the mask” “Practice social distancing” “Follow the science.” The Pope Dr. Fauci issued this in his sermon this morning,

“Just listen to what we say, follow the rules, have faith in Science, and everything will be fine. The disease will go away if we just do all the right things, just the right way, but you have to listen and do everything we say. Bless you.”

Amen.