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  • TJ Shaver

Woodrow Wilson dies, stuffed, running for 3rd term

Rumors out of the Wilson administration have been confirmed. The President is, as rumored, dead. What we didn’t know is that his wife had her personal taxidermist come and have him professionally stuffed. He looks quite life-like, the guy does good work, I will leave a link to his business in the description. Wilson’s wife Edith had this revelation as well,

“Not only will he continue and finish his term, he will be running for a third term in office. I know presidents usually step down after two but the longer he’s dead the more potential I see in him to lead this country to where it needs to be. Onward!”

President Wilson himself was not available for comment but he will be making a speech later today. His wife had the best puppet operators in the country come and hook him up with enough strings to really make him dance on that stage. We all look forward to the speech very much, and even if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be allowed to print it. Edith had these parting comments,

“If you thought he was censorious before, watch out. Now, he’s really not in the mood.”

Neither are we Edith. Neither are we.

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