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  • TJ Shaver

Why you should wear a mask



There are so many reasons why you should be wearing a mask everywhere, everyday. Germs. Boom. Germs fear masks. Germs know that Batman wears a mask. Spiderman wears a mask that covers his entire face. A bunch of other super heroes: Masked. Germs aren’t stupid. If they were stupid they wouldn’t be so adept at killing humans who, last I checked, were at the top of the food chain. So wear a mask and the germs won’t know who you are, so they can’t target you. Also, if they do figure it out, the mask will make them think you are a super hero and the germs will automatically back down.

Another reason to wear a mask: Ugliness. I’ll keep this one short. I don’t want to look at everyone’s face.

As if you needed more reasons: You look cool. Yeah man. Masks make you look cool. You look like a rapper or someone in a heavy metal band. Add a backpack and you look like the coolest kid in high school right before he gets expelled for vandalism.

Another reason to wear a mask: You get that bad boy look going. I call it the AntiFa effect. Most men these days aren’t tough. On the contrary, many of them are weak. Put a mask on. Not only do we no longer recognize you so we can’t assume you are weak, but you kind of look like a bad boy now. Is he gonna rob a bank? AHHHH who knows! So fun.


Let’s point out the obvious. Butterfaces(as in “everything looks good BUT HER face”). This is their time to shine. Amazing body but a face you wish you could fix with a couple miles on the treadmill? Boom, mask it up, now we’re all 10’s. Except for the fatties.


Finally, masks are fun. Just one more accessory to have fun with. Get a mask with your favorite t.v. show or superhero or political candidate on there. Let us know everything about you by wearing a mask that sums up who you are. After all, you aren’t much more than your choices as a consumer.


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