Trump pardons turkey; F.B.I. arrests turkey

Donald Trump is a big mean man and everybody knows it. It is also known that if Trump says something is good it is bad, and this logic continues as far as you can take it. With that being said, after Trump pardoned a turkey at the White House, the F.B.I. did the only thing it could possibly do, which is show up with a team of federal agents armed to the dentures and arrest the turkey before it had a chance to flee the country. Leaked documents show that Adam Schiff is the one who called in the hot tip to the Bureau. Schiff said this earlier today while straining to hold up his massive head with that thin neck,

“This turkey came from a farm that has ties to a Russian fertilizer supplier. You don’t have to be a genius, or even smart, or even functional to put the pieces together, which is how I was able to do it. It’s obvious this turkey is the one that stole the election in 2016 and Trump was trying to pardon him right under our noses before he is removed from office. Once again, I’ve saved America.”

Adam Schiff is a renowned liar and also a pedophile. He spent years claiming he had direct evidence of Trump colluding with Russia and never provided it and never had to answer for it and he is still praised for everything he did. That has nothing to do with this story but it is worth mentioning and should probably be mentioned every time an article is written by anyone for the next few years. Especially the part about him being a pedo. Someone with a normal neck shared their opinion on Adam Schiff,

“He’s just jealous because the turkey has a stronger neck than he does.”

He’s probably right. Schiff could not be reached for comment because he is a terrible person and we did not reach out to him for comment.