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  • TJ Shaver

Trump builds a wall around his face

In a compromise that is being applauded by both the right and some of the other people on the right, President Donald Trump recently announced that instead of wearing a mask, he will build a wall around his face. He tried the mask for a little while but this seems more fitting for him somehow. His critics are calling him a vicious racist for doing this although they have yet to settle on exactly how this makes him racist. Don’t worry though, they’ll get there. President Trump had this to say regarding the decision,

"Listen, I tried the mask, I didn't like it. What I do like are walls, because walls work. With a mask, maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, one day it works the next day it doesn't, listen, frankly, and it's amazing really, if you think of it, walls always work, always, and I know that better than anyone, ask anyone. And the wall around my face will work better than any wall has ever worked."

Doctors seem to agree that a solid barrier around his face will be substantially more effective than a mask. Those doctors were immediately silenced and scrubbed from the internet. The new round of experts seem to agree that it will be substantially LESS effective than a mask. They have also been silenced and erased and replaced by doctors who all agree beyond all doubt that Donald Trump is definitely a bad man and he’s definitely doing a bad thing and they did science things to come to that conclusion. An expert on whether or not someone is indeed a bad, bad man had this to say,

“He’s bad. We ran all the tests. We ran the, ‘does he seem like a good guy?’ and the, ‘well how bad could he really be?’ and of course the ‘what has he actually done wrong though?’ We ran all of those classics and thousands more and thousands of variations on all of those. Very scientific. Then we read the results, decided we didn’t like them, talked it over, and agreed that yes, he is, indeed, a bad, bad man.”

If they said they ran that many tests then they must be the real deal. We’re on board with the experts on this one. I forgot what they said but we’re on board with whatever it is.

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