This is all Russian disinformation

You really shouldn’t even be reading this. Not just because reading is for old people and nerds, but because this is Russian disinformation. Almost everything that happens in America is Russian disinformation. Those sneaky Russians stole Hunter Biden’s laptop, spent years emailing his friends about their scams and corruption and money stealing ways and also personal correspondence and photos. Then they dropped the laptop off at a store where they knew the guy would then give the computer to the F.B.I. and eventually also to Rudy Guiliani. They are good. They are sooooo good. Just to be safe we now assume everything we say and believe is also Russian disinformation. Our spokesman who is me said this earlier today,

“We’ve been making everything up since day one and have always been honest about that. If Brian Stelter would just admit he is a brilliant satirist and performance artist instead of claiming to be a journalist, I might leave him alone about looking like a thumb. Anyway, we can’t trust anything anymore, the Russians are so sophisticated that I think they are probably making me type this right now, and for all I know I’ve been writing real articles. God forbid. Don’t trust yourself, don’t believe yourself, don’t be alone with yourself. We are all Russian disinformation now.”

That quote was definitely Russian disinformation even though It was said by me and I felt I was being truthful when I said it. I’ve never been to Russia. I don’t think I’ve ever even met a Russian. I wonder how they got to me... It was probably one of you wasn’t it? Oh my god I sensed your reaction to that last sentence and that makes me think it was definitely you. Unless that’s just Russian disinformation… If they’ve already got to me I can’t trust anything I think anymore, so I guess you’re off the hook… for now… Adam Schiff is the worst so here’s a quote I’m going to attribute to him because that’s funny to me,

“The Hunter Biden laptop story is all Russian disinformation. So is anything else bad you hear about a Democrat. Anything that I don’t sign off on is Russian disinformation. Also, I am a creep, a liar, and possibly a pedophile. Years ago I was accused of sexually assaulting a teenage boy. This is me, Adam Schiff, admitting I am a depraved sexual deviant. Everything besides that is Russian disinformation.”

He really is a pedophile.