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  • TJ Shaver

The English language taps out

You hate to see it. We’ve already lost context and reality. Truth and nuance are hanging on by the skin of their chompers and it doesn’t look good. It appears that the English language itself decided to call it quits this afternoon in a shocking tweet. No one knows what this means yet, if we will suddenly lose the ability to use the language or if we’ll all start speaking Portuguese or something. The Right Hook is attempting to remain cavalier but the general vibe is that this is the journalistic equivalent of the apocalypse. This is the tweet that set the words on fire,

“I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of being changed to suit the subjective feelings of everyone. I’m an objective endeavor. You can’t keep telling me all my words don’t mean what they mean and then use the new meaning you made up to do crazy things that hurt people. I will no longer be a part of it. I’m joining my boys Context and Reality, and we’re getting a timeshare, and I’m never coming back. English out. Au revoir.”

So far we can still speak, and write, but something feels different somehow. I keep expecting something to happen, or to find an appropriate way to end this article but there doesn’t seem to be one. We asked English’s cousin and neighbor Spanish to chime in since he had been recently attacked for being gendered, which is offensive to people. Spanish had this to say,


Que indeed.

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