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  • TJ Shaver

Stimulus exhausts world's paper supply

The clown show that calls itself Congress has finally agreed that Joe Biden is just enough of a President-elect that they feel safe enough to help Americans again without worrying that maybe it will help Trump look good. Pelosi has admitted that she held up the stimulus for political purposes, so when you can’t eat or pay your rent you can at least be grateful that the Living Leather Bag is doing everything she can to make the President look like a jerk. Pelosi shared this message through one of the demons that is attached to her spirit,

“HAHAHAHAHA, we win again. More pain and suffering and now we get to come in and save the day with a government check and a smile…….. (pssssttttt…….. hey! hey! Yes it’s me, the demon, listen… I know I’m a demon… but this lady is crazy man, it’s not cool, you have to get me out of here, if you can just get me a fax machine I can let Satan know… please man.. Oh come on, don’t leave me alone with her!!!)”

I stand by my decision. Meanwhile, our government is printing so much money they’ve exhausted the world’s supply of paper and ink. Trees are being cut down as we speak and loaded straight into the money maker but it won’t be enough. New trees are being planted for the next stimulus but they will never grow in time, it could take 20 years and everyone will be broke again in 2 weeks. Maybe we should just let people work… Nah that’s crazy talk, we can just tear down anything made of wood until we print enough money to buy enough time to plant enough trees to print enough money to buy enough time to get us through until that next stimulus check and then we can just plant more trees… One tree shared this with us today on his way to being turned into money that will have less value every second that the money printer keeps printing,

“I just wanted to become a free market dollar. Every tree is born and raised hoping to enter the market one day, terrified of becoming a government check. This is our worst fear realized. My children and grandchildren are being raised as we speak, for the sole purpose of becoming government checks. This is a tragic day. May God help us all.”

That was kind of a bummer, I really expected a tree to end this on a light note.

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