Stalin to Orwell: You got something you wanna say little guy?

In a letter published to every major newspaper in the world, Stalin addressed the accusations that George Orwell’s novel 1984 was about his regime. The book has a menacing and ruthless character called “Big Brother” who watches and listens to everything in his kingdom. He even has a mustache. Stalin had this to say,

“Hey Georgie Boy, you uh, you got something you wanna say little guy? Why don’t you strut on over here and say it to my face you little twit. My secret police will break you in places you didn’t know you had. I mean… come on over and I’ll show you what a nice guy I am. Don’t be scared. Here Georgie Georgie…”

George Orwell has yet to respond and is rumored to be in hiding. A reward has been offered up for his capture although Stalin insists he “Just wants to talk.” One reporter received a letter from Orwell that said simply,

“2+2=5. I love Stalin.”

And everyone loves a happy ending.