Schumer admits sexual attraction to Trump

Chuck Schumer, an old guy, recently made a shocking confession that can never be unheard. Schumer, who is not Nancy Pelosi’s husband, says that Donald Trump incited an erection on January 6th. Donald Trump has done many things. There have been a million reactions to Donald Trump. The one thing Donald Trump does not do, is incite erections. The confession calls into quesiton the sanity of Schumer and whether or not he should be allowed in the continental United States. A spokesman for someone who once met Schumer said this today on the internet,

“Chuck has some problems ok, he has some deficiencies and unique struggles that I can’t speak to, because they are gross.”

Donald Trump didn’t incite an erection in anyone else in the world, and he also didn’t incite an insurrection. That is silly and foolish and laughable. It’s stupid. It wasn’t even an insurrection, it was a staged clown show where people were sacrificed so that some people could blow off steam and some could make one side look bad and justify having our capitol city occupied until recovering shampoo junkie Joe Biden is safely in power. Biden, a former lifeguard and hair care enthusiast, has already proven himself to be the worst president in American history. Biden said this regarding the erection Trump caused,

“I know about those. I used to be a lifeguard. So I learned about kids jumping on my lap. I’ve got hairy legs. Children rub them.”

Chuck Schumer could not be reached for comment because everyone is grossed out by his erection. We will keep you updated on the state of his erection, not because we want to, but because we are dedicated to providing our readers with information that matters.