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  • TJ Shaver

Rioters cancelled for not social distancing

The riots in Minnesota have been cancelled. The police failed to contain them but at the last minute a mob of Karens took to Twitter and showed their heroism and patriotism in the face of danger. These brave tattle-tales had been watching footage of the events and noticed that the protesters were not keeping six feet of distance between them at all times. One of these heroines had this to say,

"We just want to save lives. That's what we do. Don't call us heroes. That's sexist. Call us heroines because that is what we are. Call us that a lot. Put it in the article okay? In the headline. So yeah we cancelled them because they were endangering lives by not keeping six feet apart. Some of them weren't even wearing masks. The gall."

When the participants of the riot heard about being scolded on social media by a bunch of people who have nothing to do with anything, they immediately realized what they were doing was wrong. They went home and thought about it and thanked every Karen in the world for helping them see the error of their ways. One rioter had this to say,

"Who the hell is Karen? Here hold this lighter real quick..."

The story will continue when I am released from the burn unit of a nearby hospital.

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