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  • TJ Shaver

Putin steals Biden's milk money; China laughs

Joe Biden, a man formerly qualified to guard swimming pools, has turned into a tragic figure. He is too old to be doing this and it’s not fair to him that he is being asked to do this. There is no way he will make it a full term and I’m starting to wonder if he will even make it to the 2 year mark which is how long he’d have to survive for Kamala to be able to serve out the remainder of his term and still be eligible to run for two more, a detail I’m sure Kamala was keenly aware of since long before she lied about being a little girl on a bus or not on a bus or, you know, the thing. In the meantime, China is laughing in our faces, telling us we can’t speak to them from a position of power, telling us we are racist and have human rights abuses and our people don’t have faith in our democracy and the world doesn’t have faith in our democracy and everyone is saying that they “ate our lunch” which is an annoying and tired phrase that is unfortunately an accurate metaphor. So they did that, and Vladimr Putin came along and kicked Joe’s hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun, he kicked him right in the ol’ shin the the little Russian goon did and BAM! Biden goes down and that’s when Putin said “Give me your milk money Jack!” I think, I don’t know he speaks German or something. So then Joe goes “Look fat, wait, look at the data, you and Corn Pop are just alike, you both look like Esther Williams,” and I was like “DAMN, Joe’s still got it, that was a burn, and right there on the spot like that, unbelievable” to myself but then Putin just reached in his pocket and took the nickel that Biden still carries in his pocket every day to buy a milk at lunch because he is very, very old. Some details still need to be corroborated but that is pretty much what happened. We are getting bullied by every strong leader in the world because they know we don’t have one right now. Honestly, it’s everyone’s fault except for Joe Biden that we have this weak of a President at this crucial moment. He did what he was asked even if it was misguided and delusional and maybe even corrupt and quite possibly evil. But it was the people around him who are fully capable and functional and aware of how severe this problem is and they pushed him to do this anyway, no matter what it took or how much it took out of him or whether it meant he never gets to retire at all and the White House is basically his coffin and he has to run around doing the most stressful job in the world until his heart just finally surrenders and the democrat party gets to move on to the next poor soul to wring dry until they are no longer useful. I don’t blame Joe Biden. I blame the democrat party and the people who voted to work this man into his grave. You’re welcome again.

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