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  • TJ Shaver

Every Poll says Biden is perfect & amazing

Updated: Oct 18, 2020

The latest polls just came out and they say exactly what we want them to say. That’s probably because we have a system of polling that gives us the exact results we want every time. The latest polls say that 97% of Americans who gave us the right answer think Donald Trump is the worst person to ever live, and 94% also believe that he is really mean and terrible and also pretty bad and strangely orange. Another poll says that 93% of people think that 94% of scientists say Donald Trump killed 100% of the 2 million Americans Joe Biden say have been killed by coronavirus. 87% also believe that Joe Biden is perfect, amazing, and will definitely win the election for Senate that he is currently running for, which will of course make him the President of the United States. Brian Stelter managed to croak this out through a steady stream of tears,

“It’s clear to everyone that 97% of Americans think Donald Trump is the worst person to ever live. If that isn’t enough, 94% of Americans think Joe Biden is perfect. We shouldn’t even have an election, this was the election, the American people have spoken, they want a coup, and they want Trump out and Biden in. I would love to participate in the revolution but I need to go home and have a good cry.”

Stelter then went to go cry more, because he is a crybaby and he cries all the time and even misses work because he had to cry instead(true story). Some right wing conspiracy theorists and far-right extremists are saying that those polls don’t make any sense. We fired back with the fact that polls are data, and science and facts. Then we named a few scientists and had a couple doctors(a PhD is a PhD, even if it is in English or music etc) back us up on Twitter. So, yeah, we totally won the whole argument. A far right extremist who is probably coming to your house to kill you told us this in an evil email,

“I’m just saying I think Trump might win, he seems to have more enthusiasm, there’s a large movement of people leaving the democrat party, and there’s endless anecdotal evidence of people saying they will vote for Trump but won't admit it publicly. His base hasn’t gotten any smaller and he seems to have gained a lot of voters.”

Lol, what an idiot. He probably believes all kinds of conspiracies like Jeffrey Epstein existed and Bill Clinton is a pervert. You know, totally crazy things that only a far right extremist could believe.

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