Planned Parenthood starting abortion delivery service

In these troubled times many people have been wondering the same things, “When will life return to normal?” “Should I wear a mask?” “How can I get an abortion if I can’t leave my house?” Planned Parenthood has stepped up to the plate and answered the question loud and clear. Their representative sent this message:

“If you can’t come to us, we will come to you. Nothing, not even a global pandemic, should put even a slight inconvenience in your plan to end the life of that annoying baby inside you. I mean fetus. Is that the term we use? Yes a fetus, kill the annoying fetus I meant to say. It’s not feti, it can’t be feti. Shut up Randy. So yea, one call, boom we’re there, scalpels in hand.”

Abortion fans across the country have applauded Planned Parenthood for their commitment to “reproductive justice” a new buzzword we can’t get enough of over here at this media outlet. Reproductive justice sounds good and makes us sound like we know what we’re talking about. When asked if there would be doctors making the house calls they responded,

“Lol. No. We don’t have that many doctors. What we do have an abundance of are the tools necessary. So we deliver the tools and also a colorful pamphlet that shows you how to do it all yourself. We expect this to continue after the lock down ends.”

Reproductive justice indeed.