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  • TJ Shaver

Pelosi takes a knee; keeps it

In an effort to keep rioters away from her mansion, Nancy Pelosi took a symbolic knee today in what was a truly special photo-op. She organized her posse to culturally appropriate some African garments without understanding what she was even doing, and then they all took a knee together in front of every photographer they could find on the east coast. Unfortunately, when she was done with the knee, she refused to give it back. Pelosi had this to say,

“When I take something I don’t give it back. You should all know that by now. When I took this knee away from the American citizen kind enough to have his knee taken away by me, he didn’t like it. He wanted to keep it. However, the sacrifice was good for him, and I like this knee. It’s a good knee. Mine are old but this one’s better.”

The citizen missing the knee tried to complain but Nancy promptly had him silenced. No one likes a whiner. Nancy continued,

“Donald Trump is a bad man. He’s bad and mean. Oh sorry what was the question? Oh yeah, the knee. Can we stop with the knee? That was 20 minutes ago, this is a Republican talking point and it’s now become a conspiracy theory it was so long ago.”

We will abandon the story because Nancy wants us to.

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