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  • TJ Shaver

Pelosi holds on by Skin of her hooves

Living Leather Nancy Pelosi has managed to hold on to her title of Speaker of the House, a title she has earned through hard work, backstabbing, and political maneuvering I am told is ‘genius’. Pelosi won a narrow democratic majority as the progressives in her party have realized that she is an evil old hag with no plans in her head other than to retain whatever power she can while she still slithers on the Earth. Living Leather shared this in a press conference earlier today,

“I am still the Speaker, which means I get to speak and people have to listen. The moderates in this party stood strong even though they hate I mean love me, and to be honest the progressives in this party love me as well, they are just pandering to their radical base, and the radical base loves me, they are just pandering to Twitter. I don’t know who Twitter loves, my stupid assistant won’t let me look at it, but I assure you the party is fine, we are still in charge, wink wink. Yes I said wink wink I have far too many pounds of botox in me to pull off an actual wink…”

Pelosi has been proven by Science to be an actual member of the Devil’s extended family, according to unnamed sources. She has hooves instead of feet and if you get close enough and give her a hard enough noogie you can feel that she horns that she has her beleaguered assistant file down every morning, according to that same source who people are now saying is me. The source has this to say regarding the stellar investigative journalism that has come to be a hallmark of this publication,

“She’s the Devil. I promise. Look at her. See? I rest my case.”

Case closed.

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