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  • TJ Shaver

Out of the closet, into the Cabinet

Updated: Dec 17, 2020

When Joe Biden heard he needed someone to do something at some department involving transportation, the former lifeguard did what most Americans did. He insisted that the best person to run that particular department had to be a homosexual. If they chose someone who wasn’t a homosexual, well my God… who knows what would happen? Riots, death, chaos, destruction, pandemics, hurricanes… can you imagine? Biden shared this today after he lathered me up with sunscreen that I didn’t need and begged him not to rub on me,

“Come on, it’s good for you. I would know, I used to be a lifeguard. So look, Jack, here’s the thing, you gotta, this man came out of a closet, they tell me, if you look at the data. So I say put that man in a cabinet, and you feed him for a lifetime, and that’s science. Out of the closet, into the cabinet, just as long as he stays hidden, I’m ok with him being light in the loafers or whatever you call it. I don't ever wanna see it though. Gross."

Pete Buttigieg is the gay man who was appointed to do something he doesn’t know how to do or have any qualifications for. The media is saying he is the first gay cabinet member but Trump already beat them to that with Rick Grenell. It doesn’t matter though. Who cares? I wish I didn’t know what any politician preferred sexually. Most of them are not very attractive people. Ugly actually. Repulsive. Anyway... Pete um... Gay Former Mayor Pete shared these beautiful words with the world today after announcing his historic appointment of the, uh, whatever the hell it was,

"Joe Biden has hairy legs. But I don't know that because I'm gay. I know that because he talks about it in public. It won't be my job to rub them though. That's for the children. I'm here to deal with... um... traffic and whatnot... I'm gay..."

Biden promised not to lock the little fella in a cabinet if they didn't make him pronounce Buttigieg in public ever again.

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