New Study: Chick fil A chickens are homophobic

In a study recently conducted by respected and totally legitimate scientists, it has been proven that the chickens that Chick-fil-A uses in their stores is indeed, homophobic. This came as a surprise to no one. A scientist with a bunch of degrees on his office wall had this to say,

“Well I’m a gay scientist so the study was easy. I introduced myself to thousands of their chickens. I didn’t get one compliment. And I looked amazing that day, I had a new haircut and new shoes. Not one of them asked ME a question. It was obvious, they’re all homophobic.”

The restaurant chain has been criticized for years for their owners statements one time a decade ago regarding his personal beliefs on gay marriage. Activists have been waiting for this definitive bit of damning evidence for years. A Chick-fil-A spokesman had this to say,

“Are you talking about that guy that came and harassed our chickens for a day? You know he got in about a dozen verbal altercations with chickens? He tried to bite one of em. I don’t know what kind of scientist he is but I wouldn’t trust anything he called a study.”

Local activists are preparing to protest that man’s house today for his homophobic comments and his anti-chicken sentiments.