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  • TJ Shaver

Mostly peaceful hurricane protests Trump's America

With Hurricane Isaias approaching amid the ongoing and peaceful protests across the United States, many are wondering what the hurricane wants. Most think it just wants to cause damage and destroy as much property and life as possible. Others have suggested that it is attacking the United States because of its history of being a nation full of terrible, bad, evil, mean people. I believe that, but also that it is Donald Trump’s fault for being a total jerk. A few scientists believe it is a hurricane and doesn’t want anything, it just is. A close friend of Hurricane Isaias had confided in me this morning through telepathy and some mild harassment/stalking,

“Isaias is cool man, he just gets mad sometimes. You just gotta let him rain on you for a while, he might take out some buildings, but if you’re careful he won’t kill anybody. He doesn’t want to anyway. He just hates buildings. It’s all he ever talks about. It’s pretty annoying honestly, I actually haven’t spoken to him in over a year because It got so out of control. We tried to intervene but… I mean he’s a hurricane. What are you gonna do.”

That guy probably barely even knows what he is talking about. I mean, he is an actual red herring, so he can’t be trusted, especially that early in the article. This hurricane is mad about how bad and mean Donald Trump and America are so it’s mostly peacefully protesting by destroying as much as it possibly can. Every life lost, every injury incurred, every dollar lost, can be blamed directly on Trump. A spokesman for how evil Trump is had this to say,

“As scientists we can definitively tell you that because Trump did that thing with a sharpie last time there was a hurricane, THAT caused THIS hurricane to come into existence. We used science to do that so believe us. It’s true, look at this lab coat I’m wearing. That’s a beaker. I think this is a bunsen burner. Remember these? Haha me too, let’s do stuff with it…”

The science man proceeded to gravely injure himself. The hurricane is still coming.

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