Molotov Cocktails: Summer's hottest accessory

Protesting has quickly replaced all sports as the only competitive activity worth watching. There seems to be less political messaging in political protests(riots) than there are in professional sports games. At least the riots have an audience. They also have Molotov cocktails which have quickly become this summer’s hottest accessory. When the riots first began months ago, two lawyers in New York were arrested for trying to throw one into a cop’s car. They have been used in Portland at police precincts, in Atlanta at CNN headquarters, and countless other instances all across the country. So much exposure has made them a hot commodity. A fashion expert who happens to be nameless told us this,

“The Molotov cocktail is such a good accessory because it goes with anything. You should be wearing all black but even if you slip up that’s ok because it looks good with anything. Of course once you throw it, the fire is orange, so make sure to get away before it clashes with your outfit. Your welcome.”

A video recently went viral of a man who caught himself on fire with his accessory. We did say it was summer’s HOTTEST accessory. We apologize for that joke but it had to be made. The point is, be careful. We don’t want you out there peacefully protesting and trying to burn down a minority owned business and have you accidentally setting yourself on fire and ruining your whole outfit. An expert on arson, or an arsonist as he calls himself, shared this with us after we located the fire extinguisher,

“Molotov’s are great. Every arsonist dabbles at some point. I’ve personally moved on. They’re too unwieldy when you’re trying to burn down something because you love it, not just because you want attention. These people are amateurs man.”

We will update the story once this fire has died down a bit.