Mayor urges citizens to sanitize bricks before throwing them

Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey has already asked protesters to wear masks while they peacefully destroy the city. He has now gone a step further in his attempts to stop racism and Covid-19 in one fell swoop. In a recent press conference he urged protesters to sanitize any bricks they happen to throw through a window. Here is an excerpt from the press conference,

“Do what you need to do but please, wear a mask, wash your hands, and please, please, sanitize any bricks before you throw them through any windows, or at any one. The virus can live on hard surfaces for long enough that if you throw it at someone’s face, they could get the virus from the brick, and we just can’t have that.”

Bricks have been showing up in neat stacks on strategic corners in cities all over the country in places where there is no construction happening. The scary part about that is we don’t know where they came from, so we have no idea if they have been exposed to Covid or not. When cities are burning and federal agents are being gunned down by unidentified men in unmarked white vans, sanitation is the most important thing to worry about. A leading expert had this to say,

“Did you call me a leading expert? Hmm. Yes the bricks could have the virus on them. I’d probably be more concerned with why the bricks are there in the first place, but um, I guess that could be a thing too. Is that what your story is about? What outlet do you work for?”

We will update the story when this guy stops antagonizing me with his unfair questions.