Made in China Pres. already falling apart

When former lifeguard Joe Biden broke his foot we were told he was playing with his dog and he happened to fall. I assumed it broke because he is almost a century old and his bones are brittle and weak. I was partly right. His bones are weak but not because of age, it’s because they were made using slave labor in China and they used cheap parts to make this President. Biden had this to say regarding the parts used to construct him,

“I’ve got hairy legs. Children rub them. Chinese children made them, but black children rub them. And that’s called fair trade. You know the thing.”

A Chinese professor was recently caught on video bragging about how they’ve had influence for years because of high level connections and how Trump getting elected ruined that. He said the “good” people are already falling back into place now that Biden, a former lifeguard, has nearly been named the President-elect. It was acknowledged that Hunter Biden received large sums of money due to these connections, although the media can’t find any connection between Hunter Biden and any mainstream politician. Conspiracy theorists say he is Joe Biden’s son, but we will just skip over that. Hunter Biden had this to say regarding being owned by China,

“Oh man you guys know about that too? Dammit man. I knew I should have just thrown that laptop away. I know I know there were too many good pictures to waste. I’m quite a prolific pervert, like my dad Joe Biden, a former lifeguard. Hey... do you know the big guy? Let me introduce you two and then we can talk about who writes what article and who gets paid not to write an article you know what I’m saying?”

The Biden family is innocent of anything anyone would ever accuse them of. On a completely unrelated note I will be retiring early and taking my massive new bank account somewhere else.