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  • TJ Shaver

Kamala flattered TIME thinks she's a person

TIME Magazine has named Joe Biden and Kamala Harris the “Person of the Year” even though they haven’t done anything special this year, or any other year really. They have been given an award for existing during the worst year in recent memory, even though all they did was blame their opponents for everything that’s ever been bad in the world. Joe Biden, a former lifeguard, was honored to be honored by TIME since he has spent so much time being alive. Some say the former lifeguard is nearly as old as time itself. Biden had this to say about the honor,

“Listen, I’ve known time since I was little, just a kid, time’s always been there, listen folks we gotta, we have to, look. Donald Trump is an existential threat. I have hairy legs, and children rub them. These are the facts, look at the data.”

Kamala Harris was also pleased with the honor, but for a different reason. She was just honored that TIME Magazine thought she was a person and didn’t realize she is a robot being controlled by Hillary Clinton with a remote control from about 50 ft. away hiding behind the drapes. You can hear the loud whirring anytime she has to reverse her opinion on something... is what this reporter has determined to be the dead giveaway. Harris was programmed to say this after receiving the award,

“I… Am so honored… To be called a person, and to be here with this man, Joe Biden, a man who can’t wait to get a disease so he can step down and let a robot of color, I mean person, run this country the way it needs to be, which is by Hillary Clinton, who vows to never share the remote control with anyone, not even Bill, especially not Bill, even if he won’t stop begging which you know he always does because he’s just that type.”

Hillary promised to let me play with the remote control Kamala for 2 minutes if I promised to be good and not tell everyone about all her murders and whatnot. Oh shoot….

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