- TJ Shaver
Joe Biden says God is white
In an interview with a man named God, Joe Biden revealed his true feelings about God and white people. As the interview ended God said he still wasn't sure if he wanted to vote for Joe. Joe responded in a way that only Joe Biden is capable of,
"If you don't want to vote for me, you ain't black. Since you obviously are black, you must not be God. We all know, God is a white guy, like me, and God is definitely voting for Joe Biden. He told me. I talk to him all the time, I'll soon be with him so I'm trying to reach across the ether so when I get there, we can start making some progressive changes in heaven."
God didn't respond for comment, although to be honest no one in the media has attempted to talk to God in half a century. A man named Charlemagne tha God tried to respond for comment, but it kind of ruins the narrative I'm building here. So we ignored him and rushed this into print. Believe it or not this doesn't violate a single modern journalistic standard because we threw them away. They kept messing up our stories.