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  • TJ Shaver

Hurricane battles protesters for attention and kill count

With the hurricane incoming and the protests never stopping, we may have two forces colliding. Hurricane Isaias has recently been challenged and almost cancelled when it was pointed out that he is distracting from the protests, and may even interrupt some. It wasn’t until a protest had to be cancelled that we realized the hurricane is working for Donald Trump. Once the protesters realized he was coming to literally rain on their commie parade, they decided the competition was on. The peaceful protests have a tally of 30 dead bodies so far, but Isaias is going to try to outdo them. A peaceful protester who killed someone told me this,

“The protests have been mostly peaceful. We have to start every interview by saying that first. So yeah, we kill people sometimes. It happens you know. It isn’t organized, we just create chaos and in the chaos people die. That hurricane has nothing on us, people get prepared for hurricanes these days. Except for Florida, but they are pretty much immune to… well everything except covid I guess. We will have the higher kill count.”

The hurricane is claiming he has no intention of killing anyone, he is just a storm on a path and he has no control over what he does. He is begging people to prepare and get out of his way if possible. He doesn’t want to kill anyone. The guy just hates buildings. That doesn’t stop the media from blaming the hurricane for colluding with Donald Trump in order to take out everyone who doesn’t like them. It doesn’t make any sense but it is the story they are going with. At this point, if you are surprised by the media being 100% intellectually dishonest and intellectually lazy, well… Come onnnnnn. An expert on political storms had this to say,

“Everything has been politicized. You might think making a hurricane political is insane, too ridiculous for satire even. Well six months ago I would have said the same thing about a pandemic. I also would have said the same thing about police misconduct. No one likes it. No one ever has. But these are the stories, and that is the media’s take. All Donald Trump’s fault. Good luck.”

That man lived in a bunker and sealed himself in permanently as soon as our interview ended.

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