Human heads in Pelosi's freezer. Pelosi: Trump did it.

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In an interview with melting candle James Corden, Nancy Pelosi gave a tour of her massive walk-in refrigerator and freezer unit today. Many people watching online pointed out that there were several detached human heads stuffed in plastic bags that were sitting just beside the ice cream she was flaunting. When asked to respond she had this to say,

“I didn’t put those heads there, but you know who has my personal contact information and home address? Donald Trump. Do I have to say more? It’s pretty obvious what happened here. Donald Trump snuck in my house, went in my freezer without my consent, and moved those heads from under the veal shanks and baby lamb burgers to right out in front with the ice cream so everybody would see it and I’d look bad. Look, hypothetically, with my values, I can’t deport a maid. What? It doesn’t have to do with this, I’m just saying, I couldn’t. Hypothetically. In the meantime I’m halting all coronavirus-response efforts and launching investigations to find out when did Donald Trump learn my address, and when did he break into my house.”

Slay queen. When asked about whether or not he knew her address off the top of his head, all Trump had to say was “Did you say there was a HEAD? In her freezer? A head? That seems like maybe a bigger story to me.” His blatant attacks on the free press never end, the more we asked about her address the more he told us we were focusing on the wrong things, and like, he doesn’t even have a journalism degree. I will stay on this story until the end, doing real journalism. Don’t call me a hero. I know I am.