Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to marrying O.J. Simpson

The world felt justice was served today when the Supreme Court of the World sentenced Ghislaine Maxwell for her crimes. She was charged with human trafficking and a litany of other charges. No one knew how she would be sentenced but we were all relieved to learn she did receive the death penalty. She was sentenced to death by being married to O.J. Simpson. Maxwell had this to say regarding the sentence,

“Come on, I know I’m probably the sickest human on the planet right now. I know I deserve to be punished but this seems extra cruel and highly unusual. Jeff got to get strangled in his cell and I get this? Just seems a bit unfair is all. I really wanted a staged suicide. I wanted to at least be memed on my way out.”

Some people are pointing out that being married to O.J. isn’t a guarantee of death, maybe he’s cleaned up his act. Others say this will be akin to a life sentence because she will always be expecting it but it never comes so she spends the rest of her life in terror. We reached out to O.J. who told us this via a Twitter message,

“Why are you picking on me? I’m just minding my own business and here you are making up stories about me being a killer? I’ll take it though, she reminds me of Kris Jenner a little bit. Wink Wink.”

He said wink wink out loud. He didn’t actually wink at us. We will stay on the story until Maxwell is no longer with us.