End Times way more silly than Bible warned

With the return of the plague, the non-stop hurricanes, random tornadoes, raging wildfires, and the constant madness and willful blindness overtaking large portions of the population, it’s safe to say the End Times are finally here. While many have been anticipating these events their entire lives, we didn’t expect it to be quite so silly. We didn’t know social media and memes would be the way most people would be deceived. We didn’t know we would be told we weren’t seeing what we were seeing even after we proved we were seeing what we were seeing. We didn’t know it would be so obvious. One of the four horsemen of the apocalypse who chose to remain anonymous shared this with us via a loud voice emanating from a radiant cloud,

“It’s understandable, I’ve been waiting a long time for all of these events to happen, and I had no idea how silly it would be either. I didn’t expect something called Twitter and Google to be the driving forces that manipulated people into mania. Then again, what do any of us know? If this is the way it goes down, just make sure you’re ready, that’s really all that matters.”

Possibly most disturbing of all is that people like Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi, and Joe Biden are apparently playing roles in the climax of human history. I expected better villains. They have to be out there somewhere, Joe Biden isn’t suave enough to be the Anti-Christ. If these are indeed the End Times there isn’t much we can do but get right with God and pray the Rapture happens before we have to pay taxes again. On the other hand, Democrats are reportedly making moves to impeach Trump for causing the world to end. Schiff has accused Trump of collusion with hell and Pelosi has demanded the devil denounce Trump to save his good name. The Devil told us this via a text message because he has an Iphone,

“I can’t tell you who I’m working with. But it’s definitely Adam Schiff. He’s been my puppet for a while, that’s why he has no integrity in his neck, that’s where my wrist bends. It’s hard to keep his head from flopping around all the time. It’s very painful for him but he can’t do anything about it. That’s why he always looks like his eyes are running away from their sockets. I almost feel bad for the guy but… He’s a real jerk.”

We will keep reporting until we are raptured.