Court decides thumb wrestling to determine winner

With the election never ending and the Biden camp pretending the process is over and the Trump camp trying to stop the results from being verified, the Supreme Court has stepped in and saved America. They determined that no more votes will be counted, the votes that have been counted will be discounted, and the whole process will be determined by the winner of a thumb wrestling match between the two tall senior citizens. Experts are saying there are no experts of thumb wrestling, but we trust their expert opinion anyway and managed to get one of them to give us this analysis,

“I don’t know the “science” of thumb wrestling, that’s nonsense. I do know that Trump is aggressive and competitive and Biden is senile and weak, and the Supreme Court knew this and Amy Coney Barrett especially knew this. That’s why she was appointed, that’s why she was rushed through. She has seven children which actually makes her the leading expert in thumb wrestling in the country. This has been their plot all along, string it along until you can find a thumb wrestling loophole. They almost deserve the win just because of how brilliant the strategy is.”

Trump lawyer Sidney Powell has admitted that the “Kraken” she has been teasing is actually the right thumb of Donald Trump, who is the President and also a thumb wrestling enthusiast since the age of 8. The only reason Trump has been tweeting nonstop for the last four years isn’t to get his message out or to rile up the lefties, it has been a non stop thumb workout for the past 4 years, and he is ready. His thumb is strong but hasn’t made the mistake of over training. Biden on the other hand has never sent a tweet himself and his thumbs haven’t been seen in a workout in over a year. Trump’s right thumb sent us this tweet earlier today,

“Don’t worry, I got this, ol’ Sleepy Joe has sleepy thumbs and he’ll never see this coming. I have probably the greatest thumbs, in the history of thumbs, maybe the greatest phalanges of all time really, if you think about it. Frankly, the thumb is what sets humans apart from the beautiful animals that exist, and I am moving us forward, towards a better future for every thumb in America, except for Brian Stelter, who is a bad thumb, and trust me, he doesn’t want any part of this.”

No Brian Stelter’s were harmed during this article. Unfortunately.