- TJ Shaver
CNN attacked; No one cares
According to reports coming out of Atlanta the CNN headquarters has been attacked by protestors. What everyone thought was an empty, abandoned, soulless structure devoid of all purpose or vision or hope, turned out to be the place where CNN constructs its narrative. I had imagined an underground workshop where they hired welders and metal workers and used super glue to construct and hold the narrative together, but it was a normal office building. Protestors had this to say,
“We thought it was haunted. Nobody knows what CNN stands for, and children seem to go missing near there and dogs won’t walk by it. We knew it was something truly evil. Now that we know it’s CNN headquarters we feel justified in everything we’ve previously said and done.”
We tried to find more people to comment on the story but no one seemed to know what CNN was and some people thought we were asking for drugs or speaking in code. Once we were bailed out of jail we came back to get a word from CNN. Their spokesman had this to say,
“It was sooo scary but sooo exciting. We were on the news! People were talking about us! It felt sooo good. It's been sooo long since anyone knew or cared what was happening to us. I wish this would’ve happened a long time ago we’ve been dying over here. You don’t have any dogs or small children in your production crew do you? No reason....”
We will stay on the story until our production assistant finds her missing dog, a terrier named Bo Peep who is very friendly, doesn’t bite, and responds to “Bo” “Peepers” and “Yo Bo what up dog?” Contact The Right Hook with any information.