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  • TJ Shaver

Climate change makes people set fires

Just when you thought climate change couldn’t get any worse, it went and it got a bit worse. While the west coast is mostly not on fire, a lot of it is, and the only possible explanation is climate change. Gross mismanagement couldn’t possibly have anything to do with it no matter how many experts on the subject scream otherwise. The arsonists who have been caught setting fires up and down the west coast couldn’t possibly explain any of it either. One of those poor pyromaniacs shared this with us,

“I’ve always loved fire but that’s not why I did this. Climate change made me do it. That jerk came to me and told me he was going to kill me if I didn’t start a massive forest fire. He has to be stopped, he’s an existential threat and he’s a big bully and he stole my hat.”

Some say as many as 8 arsonists have been arrested while others say as few as 8 have been arrested. We’ll agree to disagree I guess. Either way a bunch of people have been caught setting fires and no one seems to be talking about it. While the arsonists didn’t start most of the fires it is something that shouldn’t be ignored. We also shouldn’t ignore the serial forest mismanagement that is causing California to turn into a literal hell. Climate change might be a jerk but he hasn’t been making policies so bad that it causes your constituents to burn to death in their homes. Climate change sent us this message on Facebook messenger,

“I’m bad, and mean, and I’ve been making people start fires. All of that is true. That being said, the politicians in California are responsible for more of the fires and damage done than I could ever hope to be. I really look up to them actually, they always make me want to try harder. I’m coming for you! Lol. All of you! Thanks guys, love and peace. But I’m still going to kill everyone. Xoxo.”

It’s hard to get a read on this guy.

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