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  • TJ Shaver

CHAZ builds monument to ignorance

Updated: Jun 28, 2020

In a time where statues and monuments are being torn down all across the country, the young deceased nation of CHAZ happens to be erecting a monument of their own. After the nation failed and everyone went home to enjoy their parents suburban homes and home cooked meals and all the other luxuries afforded to them by capitalism, they decided to build a monument to honor the experience, a monument to failure and ignorance. The monument has been commissioned and will be paid for by the taxpayers of Seattle. A former high ranking CHAZ government employee had this to say,

“All the bad statues need to be torn down. All the ones that represent the building of the United States. In place of that, we need a monument to recognize the failure that is Chaz. We are ignorance. We may have failed in every possible way, but we need to remember that forever, as an example of how we want America to run from now on. This is the type of failure we want for everyone everywhere.”

Along with the monument, Mayor Jenny Durkan will also participate in a shame walk as seen on the HBO series Game of Thrones. She will walk naked through the streets of Seattle as the citizens yell “shame” and pelt her with stones, human fecal matter, and various assaults. This will be to “help heal.” Anyone who didn’t support CHAZ during its existence will be whipped in the streets. Anyone who openly opposed it will be beheaded. Concerned citizens of Seattle are being labelled as far right militants and should not be listened to. Small business owners have been labeled terrorists and should not be acknowledged in any way. The mayor had this to say,

“This is just the summer of love. This is all normal. Nothing to see here. Please help me I’m being held hostage, they are definitely going to kill me…”

We don’t believe her.

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