- TJ Shaver
Biden's V.P. pick: Covid-19
Updated: Aug 6, 2020
The only surefire way for Joe Biden to become president is if no one hears him say anything up until election day. He has been rising in the polls but dropping drastically every time he speaks. His hair and teeth may still be whiter than a David Duke daydream, but the internal lights seem to be fading. With this in mind Biden made the smartest move he could and declared that his running mate will be the Coronavirus. Biden said this during his digital announcement,
“They’ve been telling me the only way I win is if we stay locked down, and the only way we stay locked down is the Coronavirus. So let’s bring it on board, keep it around all four years, maybe have it take over in less than that. It has accomplished more of our goals than we ever have anyway, maybe it deserves a shot at running things.”
The virus does seem to be accomplishing long held goals of the left. Small businesses have been struggling and shutting down, which usually takes years of regulation and taxation. Carbon emissions have gone down because no one is allowed to go anywhere. Millions more people are now dependent on the government to survive, which means they will vote for the person who keeps giving them money. Every institution that used to bring us together has been halted; sports, music, comedy, restaurants, bars. All the places where people of different political beliefs congregate are no longer allowed to operate. Last but not least, churches are being shut down, or told they can’t worship or even being fined despite following all guidelines and not breaking any laws. The party that boo’ed God is making strides. I’d say Covid-19 is the most effective Democrat ever. A source close to Covid confided this to me via a collect phone call from a defunct payphone,
“Covid is the best Democrat ever because it does what they always try to do but fail. They want chaos and mass hysteria so they can say “look how bad this is, I’ll fix it.” Then their policies fail because it was usually their policies that created the problem to begin with. Covid doesn’t fail though, because it’s not sentient and it doesn’t have policy ideas. It just mows down everything in it’s path without all the bull$#t rhetoric. It's our Donald Trump."