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  • TJ Shaver

Biden relieved to learn he picked Kamala

The Biden campaign has finally announced that Kamala Harris will be Joe Biden’s running mate in the 2020 s#!* show, I mean election. After all the speculation and rumors and waiting and wondering just what in the heck was going on here, Joe Biden was relieved to learn that he had finally chosen a running mate. He had tried to pick one a few times but he couldn't for the life of him remember the names of any black women. Fortunately for him it was never really up to him anyway. Not much is these days. A spokesman for Biden admitted this to me after I called his home phone 43 consecutive times,

“Joe Biden will never do an interview if we can help it ok? He will never be seen on tv, he will never make a speech, and If I have it my way he will never speak to a journalist again. He just needs to stay alive until election day. So what was the question again? Oh yeah, he picked Kamala Harris, it was totally his decision and we think he made the right one.”

Many people wondered if Harris would be the right pick considering her career in prosecuting criminals goes against the current trend of not prosecuting criminals. She also did a lot of shady things in her career like suppressing evidence that would have exonerated a death row inmate. Not to mention that she laughed about smoking marijuana even though she jailed thousands of people for doing the same thing. People might have wondered about that, but Joe Biden didn’t. Mainly because Joe Biden doesn’t remember who she is. When asked why he chose her as his running mate Biden had this to say,

“Kamala? Oh that’s great, just great. I really made the right decision didn’t I? Man I’m so glad I picked her, I had no idea, thank you for telling me that. Why’d I pick her? Hey, calm down man! What kind of question is that Jack? Of course I picked her, that’d be like me saying hey, did you pick that tie before you came in here? Are you a junkie? Ha!”

We’ll summon his nurse.

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