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  • TJ Shaver

Biden nearly coherent for nearly 2 minutes

Former lifeguard and current alleged President-Elect Joseph Biden made a rare trek to the exterior of his basement today. Joey Biden (aka the 'Big Guy') even made a speech that has everyone very excited about his upcoming presidency because he's that rare young upstart politician who wins tens of millions more votes than any candidate has in any previous election. The speech was about something, which was impressive for Biden. Even more impressive was the fact that it was nearly coherent. Biden’s personal doctor shared this with us after the feat,

“He’s a warrior. He can do it all, he can go places, he can give speeches, he can stare stonily into the camera without blinking or seeming to even really be alive, his eyes dark and glossy and lifeless... He almost made it two minutes. That’s something no one ever thought they would see. His potential is unlimited, this young man is going places... I’d trust him with my life... I’d even let him guard my life... Hey, someone should elect him to be a lifeguard!”

Lol, you have no idea guy. The nearly two minute speech was the longest coherent sentence Biden has managed to read since he announced he was running to be the alleged President-Elect. He’s managed to remain pretty much silent on everything including his stance on pretty much every policy position he holds and pretty much everything involving the multiple investigations into his son Hunter Biden. Those investigations are also looking into allegations of serious and severe corruption by Joe Biden himself, something he hasn’t been asked about because…... Anyway, The other reason Joe Biden's speech is so remarkable is that he didn't even lose his train of thought every third syllable or say something so racist you can't wait for him to get to that third syllable and lose his train of thought again. Experts and doctors say the most surprising thing of all is that he didn't even mention his legs or children. A Biden intern who may or may not be Hunter Biden (who is the stepson of his former babysitter Jill Biden(wife of former lifeguard Joe Biden)), sent us this fax after he finally found a rental car and figured out how to use a GPS and eventually found the local Kinko’s,

“You can’t prove anything.”

These guys are good.

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