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  • TJ Shaver

Biden's math kills 350 million Americans

Future former President Joe Biden made a shocking announcement recently. When stumbling his way through the plan for vaccine distribution he tallied up the numbers and delivered the most shocking news anyone has ever heard. According to the President, a recovering shampoo addict, 600,000 vaccines(which is twice as much as 400,000) will be enough to vaccinate 300 Americans. The implications of this math cannot be overstated. Biden is not a liar and he is certainly not suffering any sort of mental decline in any way shape or form, so that means his math is correct, which means all other math is incorrect, which means everything in the world is incorrect, which means the world will soon explode or implode or just plain plode. It also means only 300 people will survive the pandemic that has literally killed almost every person on the planet. There’s only like 1,000 people left anyway so I guess 300 is actually a pretty good number and the Biden administration saved the day which is good because they will be the only people left on the planet because let’s face it, we ain’t getting the damn vaccine, we aren’t important, we aren’t elite, and yes I’m talking to you whoever is reading this. A democrat voter had this to say about their impending doom,

“But Trump!”

A truly insightful and original critique from one of America’s best and brightest. The media continues to toss softball questions at Joe Biden and he continues to strike out anyway and they continue to cover for him and through their heroic efforts they manage to make him look like a tired old man instead of a tired old man who is also down to about 2 coherent hours per day and is basically being used and abused by his political party and his advisors and his wife and anyone else who is supposed to care about him but is forcing him to do the most stressful job in the world, one that ages everyone who has ever done it, and they are making him do it at 78 years old when all he wants to do is sit by the pool and have children rub his hairy legs. His wife, a former babysitter, had this to say about the fact that she is enabling the DNC to work her husband until he dies,


I think she hung up on me. Maybe she didn’t like the way I phrased the question.

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