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  • TJ Shaver

Biden makes 'Office of the Present President'

Donald Trump, former president and man who broke the brains of the media, is back in the headlines after an interminable week of silence. The former president has decided to establish the ‘Office of the Former President’ so that he can keep promoting his agenda of not letting China have America. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden, a former lifeguard, took a break from shampoo shopping to say he will be establishing the ‘Office of the Present President’ so that people know that he is the president right now and that means he’s the boss of you, not Trump, and he also insists everyone understand that he was formerly a lifeguard which makes him a former lifeguard, but the president thing, that’s happening right now. A spokesman for the Present told us this via a strong sense of intuition,

“The Present does not wish to be associated with any political party, although it does acknowledge that there was no time like itself when Donald Trump was in office. The Present will continue moving forward, always there yet always slipping away and becoming The Past, that bozo who is always right behind, but somehow never has to do anything. This is getting pretty abstract, better go back to the article.”

What’s always up for grabs is The Future and that would seem to belong to the democrats considering they control every branch of government and everything else in the world except for AM radio and the UFC. However, Joe Biden barely made it across the finish line as it is. He was hoping to be able to relax now, let his leg hair down, have children rub them, you know, pool politics. Now he’s going to have to deal with Donald Trump watching and calling out every idiotic thing he says and every anti-America move he makes. When asked about Trump starting his own political party, The Patriot Party, Biden shared his bold vision,

“Listen here Jack, the two party system isn’t something we can, can, can, I could just start my own party, the Pool Party, it’ll be about guarding lives and saving the children. Maybe if there’s time they rub my legs but that isn’t what matters, what matters is, is… Did someone say there was going to be a pool party?”

Party on pool boy.

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