Biden graduates from Electoral College

When a former lifeguard runs for President, he’ll be the first to tell you, “Hey! No running by the pool Jack. Now come rub my hairy legs with these other children.” That’s exactly what former lifeguard Joe Biden did, and it paid off. After studying really hard and stuttering his way through two debates and zero press conferences, he has graduated from the Electoral College. He is now Dr. President Joe Biden, former lifeguard. Biden had this to say regarding his historic graduation,

“Look, this is what it is, you work, and you, you, you, prepare, and one day, you’re a lot more than a lifeguard. I loved being a lifeguard. The thing is, I have hairy legs. Children rub them.”

Dr. President Biden was allowed to bring his friend Kamala Harris with him and she also graduated even though she didn’t do anything to help the process. She never answered any questions about anything and no one seemed to find that strange. Something else that isn’t strange is how the Hunter Biden laptop is suddenly real and not Russian disinformation, and has led to 4 investigations into the son of the former lifeguard. The entire media and all of social media suppressed this story before the election, and it’s a shame because it implicates Joe Biden in ways that would disqualify him from even being a former lifeguard. A spokesman for Lifeguards for Biden, his most loyal fanbase, shared this,

“If I had known he was this corrupt and had this many ties with China and allowed his family to make millions of dollars because off his position, I would have stripped his lifeguard credentials away years ago. You can’t get those back ya know. Once you’re out, you’re out. We’re loving but we’re not a forgiving group. You can’t be out there by that pool if you are corrupt. You’re guarding lives for the love of God.”

Joe Biden used to be a former lifeguard.