Biden debates so well Trump endorses him

Conspiracy theorists have been saying for months now that Joe Biden is old although they never provide any evidence. Some have even said he is aging, but we refuse to dabble in conspiracies and hearsay. It turns out we were right. Joe Biden is awesome. Last night in the debate he was so persuasive and convincing and young that even Donald Trump fell under his spell. By the end of the debate Trump gave him his full endorsement. He even stopped calling him Sleepy Joe. A former Trump supporter called in to share this,

“Wow I had no idea Joe Biden was so spry and full of good ideas. I thought he was old because he’s almost 80 but I guess I was wrong. Those multiple brain surgeries must have had no effect at all because he completed almost every one of his sentences. This guy is good, no wonder he’s been in government for half a century.”

It turns out that guy is not alone. Everyone in America who used to like Trump was so swayed by Biden’s hypnotic rhetoric and blinding white hair and teeth that after the debate they went to their yards and ripped out their Trump 2020 signs. Bumper Stickers were removed. Long held beliefs were set free. Convictions and principles disappeared. Suddenly smelling a child’s hair didn’t seem creepy, just something politicians do sometimes. The riots in the streets stopped as even the most radical of the radical left communist revolutionaries realized that this Joe Biden guy is exactly the fella we need to fix all of our problems. Racists realized they were wrong, because Joe Biden said the words systemic racism. The climate stopped changing because Joe Biden called it an existential threat and it knew he was serious. The climate told us this in a mysterious letter,

“I know I’ve been messing with you guys for a while now. That’s just because I knew I could get away with it. I heard Joe loud and clear though, and I could tell he meant business, so I’m going to stop ok? Just tell Joe to leave me alone ok? Covid-19 is here also, he also heard Joe talk about him, he’s out too. Ok? We’re gone, just leave us alone, and don’t tell Joe where we went. That guy seems like he knows how to get things done.”

Joe Biden can do anything.