Biden calls a lid on entire first term

The polls have already proven that Joe Biden will be the next President. Experts are saying a fair election is too dangerous right now and are begging America to cancel it. This is largely because far right conspiracy theorists say Donald Trump won the 2016 election and even more ridiculous, could win this one as well. This has led to Poor Boys and Proud Boys loading up their AR-47s and waiting for Donald Trump to blow his dog whistle so they can kill everyone who doesn’t vote for Trump. Maskless psychopaths with MAGA hats are roaming the streets spraying covid into the mucus membranes of everyone you’ve ever loved. With this in mind Joe Biden has called a lid on the rest of his campaign so he can retreat to the basement. A Biden spokesman said this on purpose,

“We need to hide until the election for a lot of reasons. It took an incredible amount of rest and preparation and adderall and adrenachrome to get Joe through that debate, and he still got beat. There isn’t enough adderall and children’s adrenal glands in the world to keep Joe going through an entire term in office though, so we are going to call a lid on his entire first term. Trust me, it’ll be better for everyone that way.”

Experts have agreed that Biden calling a lid on his first term is the only safe thing to do. The Proud Poor Boys will be everywhere when Joe wins the election, and they say mean things sometimes and sometimes they even fight back when a mob of AntiFa tries to murder them. AntiFa has spent the last 4 months tearing up the streets, rioting, burning down businesses, attacking federal property, trying to maim and murder cops, succeeding in maiming and murdering cops, causing 3 billion dollars in property damage, causing the direct deaths of at least 35 people and destroying communities where black people are already struggling to survive. The Poor Proud Boys just march around waving American flags and then they go get drunk and make dumb jokes. So naturally Joe Biden needs to stay hidden and silent until he fixes all of America’s problems from his basement. Biden shared this beautiful statement right before he shut the lid on his basement,

“The Proud Guys and Poor Fellas will be here any minute to kill me, So I have to close this lid. I’ll see you guys in four years, so I can be inaugurated for my next term. I’m going to fix everything from down here, trust me. What? I don’t have a son named Hunter, that’s Russian disinformation. Bye.”

Joe Biden never had a son named Hunter, that was a disgusting rumor started by Donald Trump who has been a Russian asset since 1987.