Bar set so low for Biden he sniffs its hair

The 2020 DNC has mercifully come to an end and it was a parade of pandering unparalleled in world history. They would say the pledge of allegiance but leave out the part about God, they would stand for the American flag while encouraging it to burn on streets across the country, and worst of all they never once mention the riots, violence, and murder that is happening every day in their cities. They promise to give you everything you could ever want without mentioning a single policy that could help achieve those goals. For their “nominee” Joe Biden the bar was set so low that all he had to do was not completely fall apart on camera and avoid saying another racist thing for 20 minutes. Unfortunately the bar was set so low that Biden mistook it for a young girl and started sniffing its hair when he thought the camera was off. A defender of Biden’s hair-sniffing shared this in a role play chatroom that is being monitored by the F.B.I.,

“There is nothing wrong with sniffing a young girl's hair. Find one law that says you can’t do it. I’ll wait. Everybody likes to attack Joe Biden for constantly acting like a cat on catnip every time a freshly showered prepubescent female head wanders within a ten foot radius of him. Understandable. But it’s not illegal.”

No one said it was illegal, they mainly just say it is creepy. Unsettling. Disturbing. Disgusting. Weird. Off-putting. Defenders of Biden change the subject, no one ever seems to actually defend it because they don’t know how. It’s so weird and singular in American politics that even people who attack him for it don’t really know what they want done about it. The consensus among critics seems to be he should stop sniff testing children and if he can’t maybe he should get out of politics. Generally the conversation seems to end with Donald Trump being bad and mean. The Biden campaign sent this fax to a local Kinko’s with instructions to have it delivered to us via the U.S. postal system, which we received after 3 months of it being sent to my nephew’s address,

“Biden is not interested in young girls, he is a shampoo enthusiast and a sommelier of sorts. He likes to get in there and see what he’s working with, the man is an artist really. He can tell you what brand of shampoo a 9 year old girl is wearing from down the hall. That’s the kind of leadership we need right now.”

Biden is reportedly doing a brand deal with Herbal Essences that is expected to draw in the coveted youth and suburban housewife vote. We will report back if anything starts to make any sense.