top of page
  • TJ Shaver

10 Reasons to not wear a mask

Ever since the Chinese sniffles invaded the world, leaving the same number of dead people as would be expected in any other year, the media has fetishized fear and the people who listen to them have turned into fear-stricken lunatics and it’s really annoying. People are talking to strangers, telling them to put a mask on, socially distance themselves, stay at home. It’s like they think I have the capacity to care about their woefully inept opinions. I wore a mask for a bit. I tried to pretend. I couldn’t. It’s too silly. I can’t handle being forced to take silliness seriously. I love silliness, but mandated silliness is where I draw the line and once that line is crossed there is no going back. So I stopped pretending to be afraid and I stopped pretending there’s a pandemic and I stopped pretending we are all in this together, because we clearly aren’t, if we were we would be allowed to discuss… well, anything. If you point out anything true about the disastrous anti-science lockdowns you are censored and de-platformed and laughed out of polite society. You are called anti-science anytime you actually pay attention to any of the science. It’s too silly and I’m sick of it, I won’t play along anymore. I will make fun of the fearful foolish fools cowering in their homes and hugging the walls of Wal-Mart though. I would say sorry, but I’m not. I’m gleeful. Here’s some reasons to not wear a mask the next time some sociopath has the gall to suggest you wear a mask:

  1. A mask? Why the hell would I wear a mask? A pandemic? What’s a pandemic? Oh my, why does no one know about this? We need to tell everyone!

  2. I can’t wear a mask because I have a raging case of tuberculosis that’s extremely contagious so I need clear airways.

  3. Oh I’m sorry, I don’t need to wear a mask. I’m an attractive person. I see why you made the choice you did though, God bless you and good luck.

  4. What’s a mask?

  5. YOU put a mask on. Well put another one on, what are you trying to do, kill everyone?

  6. Oh you didn’t hear? Joe Biden won the thing! He fixed everything! YES!!!!!!!!!!

  7. I can’t wear a mask, it’s against my religious principles. It violates the one that says not to listen to a******* in the checkout line at Food Lion, especially the one in Aberdeen.

  8. Donald Trump wore a mask one time. Are you literally suggesting I be literally Hitler?

  9. But if I wear a mask, how can Andrew Cuomo shove his tongue down my throat against my will?

  10. I am wearing a mask.

Anytime you can suggest to someone that your own face is actually a mask of your own face, you are winning. If you can confuse them enough, they might be forced to think and that might lead to a thought and that might lead to them not being boring, robotic jerks who swallow every spoonful of raw sewage the mainstream media shoves down their gullet on an hourly basis. Just kidding, people don’t think, so let’s just make fun of them, tell them your grandmother was murdered by an angry mask or that your father was a mask and he abandoned you. and you and your mother are so traumatized that you had to UP your therapy to 'all the time' just to cope with seeing OTHER people wear a mask. By the time you finish that little monologue their attention span will have expired and they will be wandering to the next stranger who dares to have thoughts and refuses to be bullied into pretending to care. And so on.

I’m not asking for much here. Be silly all you want, but stop trying to force me to pretend your silliness is true. If you are ugly wear a mask, and if you see me NOT wearing a mask, be grateful. I have a nice face(thanks Mom and Dad, and also, you're welcome world) and I don’t care what you think and I won’t be shamed into playing stupid games. I guess this whole article could have just been two words: SHUT. UP.

82 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page